Hey, Stephanie! Oh my word – I am so excited for your storybook. It is so creative and the detail you included was so great – I could imagine the whole scene as it was happening and am genuinely interested in what’s going to happen next. There was enough dialogue to keep it interesting but not too much to confuse the reader. The picture also was a great choice because it helped me imagine this cave that was the home to so many criminals. Placing the image information at the bottom was also a great idea because it didn’t take away from the story and wasn’t distracting/didn’t get in the way. You also had a great set-up for the stories at the end of the introduction and it’ll be easy to connect the stories. I honestly can’t think of anything to improve – add more stories? I’m anxious to read more! Great job!
First off, the title of your storybook is very catching. It made me want to read more right away. Therefore, good job on making a catchy title to catch the reader’s attention right off the bat. Again, in the first paragraph of your introduction you did a great job of explaining the setting of the story. This makes it mysterious and of course makes me want to keep reading. The dialogue added throughout the introduction set the scene of the story and helped in understanding what was going on. I think you did a great job of picking stepmothers, because there really are some crazy step mothers in this world. Therefore, there might be some people who can relate. I also, liked how practical some of the story was. The prison parts are spot on and make a great story line. The last line of the introduction keeps the attention of the reader. I cannot wait to read the next story. Great job on your introduction!
First of all, your storybook wasn’t on my “official” picks, but the name caught my attention. The picture you chose for your first page is great! I love the idea of a fairytale prison, kind of like when all the bad characters got together in one of the Shrek movies. Anyway, I especially like that the evil step-mothers get their own section. They are a special kind of mean! The way you leave the identity of the women is intriguing. I’m really looking forward to keeping up with your story!
There is one thing I would suggest for your project site. Some people with bad eyesight, like me, have a hard time reading text online and when it’s white text on a black background, it’s REALLY hard to read. If you do decide to keep the black background, I would suggest making the font size bigger which makes it easier to read since there is more “meat” to the lines.
I think that you have a great start to your storybook. You choose a great option to start it off with and the introduction was able to draw you in. You had the story line and certainly had quite a few moments of suspense that caused the reader to keep on reading, in order to find out what happens next. I will say, as a personal preference, I wish there had been more detail in the introduction. However, that may have been me wanting to know more of what is happening in the story. So for that I would recommend maybe adding some detail about the prison and the prisoners that we will not interact with in the story, but that is not completely necessary for your introduction. So maybe just adding some details to help add more to the introduction would add to your storybook overall.
I really loved your storybook! I'm a huge fan of fairy tales (which is what my storybook is about also) so I was super happy when I saw the title of your storybook on the class list. It's a very original idea that I haven't seen before. Your introduction absolutely delivered. It was so descriptive and really sets the tone for the storybook, which matches the design of the actual website very well. It also got me hooked. There's this huge sense of tension that you set up in these first paragraphs and I can't wait to read more when you start posting stories. You give me a sense of what the stories are going to be about, but I'm not exactly sure. Is it going to be retellings of the stories from the villains' points of views? Also, who is this really bad step-mother? I want to know! I will definitely be coming back to read more. Really awesome job!
It is apparent that you've put in a lot of effort to think out the setting for your story, and that's a great way to keep yourself oriented in your own world while writing! But as the reader, I immediately felt sort of overwhelmed with how much of the setting was being revealed to me in so few sentences. I would have much rather been introduced to only one part of the prison, being given details about that portion, and only being given a clear layout of the rest of the prison. For example, where is the prison located in the Fairytale Kingdom? Is it on a mountain? Between two mountains? Also, what were the crimes that the Wicked Step-mothers had committed? This is obviously a different universe than the more tame Disney-verses, so what kind of monstrosities are these women? Overall, it seems like you have a lot of ideas for your tale. Just make sure that you don’t try to write about too much all at once. It just becomes very confusing for the reader.
Your home page is good. The colors really match up and accent the picture well. Good job choosing the proper shading for you layout. Your introduction page is missing the link on the picture, it is a little critique though, so no big deal. The Introduction reads like a classic fairy tale I would read to my child. I think you did a great job of introducing the reader to the concept of your storybook along with the warden’s of the prison. The cliffhanger ending was a good way to make the reader want to press the next button to see the next page. Maybe place a “Next” page link at the bottom for the reader. I know that there will already be links in the sidebar, but I think a next button would be a good thing so that the reader automatically just goes to the next page without thinking. This would keep them engaged with the world you have done a great job creating for them.
I absolutely love your storybook idea. Your introduction is a really great set up for your stories. The very last sentence is a really great transition that's going to flow really well into the beginning of your stories. I love stories that we get to have a new perspective on and I think your idea to tell stories from the perspectives of the wicked stepmother character's perspective offers a great opportunity to bring something new and fresh to the stories. Your set up and imagery in describing the setting of your story was really great too. I loved your descriptions and could fully imagine and really see this story fold out as I was reading it. Your images that you used are perfect for your storybook and they really lend to the imagery you have created. I especially loved the image you used for your introduction. It was really fitting for your descriptions of them descending into the darkness of the prison.
“Prison Stories of the Wicked Stepmothers”: I love this picture. It sets the scene well for your storybook. Introduction: I could not stop reading your introduction. I really want to know who the inmates are. Who is the new inmate? Who is he/she roomed with? Who else was brought in with her/him into the Stepmother’s wing? There are just so many questions and possibilities. I want to find out what happens next. I want some answers. This is wonderful! You have a fantastic introduction. I’m glad you included the pictures you did because I found myself wondering what the prison looked like and the pictures help out with that a bit. I do like that the prison is underground which adds thought that what the inmates have done is truly dark and wicked. I can’t wait until you post some stories so that I can get some of the answers to the questions your introduction has brought to me. Overall I think this is a fabulous start. Great Job.
Hey Stevi! It was a pleasure being able to read this story. You have a creative imagination and I liked the images you used to give the reader the feel of the story. But I am confused on who this story is about because it is told in first person in a broad sense then the story focused on one woman. Maybe you could explain more about the woman between those two paragraphs (right before you talk about the woman). You could add reasons on why she is there or just use her as your main focus the entire story and make it as a first person. Also, there could have been more detailed descriptions on some parts of your story or to add in. At the beginning, maybe you could add more detail about the one woman and the prison itself. You could add descriptions like the distance of the prison from civilization because only the bad of the bad go there. Other than that I think you did a fantastic job and can’t wait to see what she had done!
Hey Stevi, I really enjoyed your storybook and its introduction. It was very creative and humorous. The fairytale always end with “Happily Ever After” but you never really hear about the stepmothers. I am sure their ending is not so “happily ever after.” I liked how you created a jail for the stepmothers. Even though the acts of the stepmothers in fairytales are comparable to criminal acts, they commonly are still not considered convicts, but your storybook does. This is why I like your storybook; it is different. It explores something that has not been discussed. Another thing I liked about your storybook was the style it was written in. The dialogue was on point. It sounded exactly like a jail setting. It really sets the setting. The only suggestion I have for you is maybe instead of a picture of the opening of the jail, you could include mug shots of the stepmothers. It would be really humorous and different.
I really enjoyed reading your storybook. My main suggestion is that you don't break up your thoughts so much. It makes it somewhat choppy to read. I feel that if you combined, for instance, the second, third, and fourth paragraphs of the introduction into one, it would flow much better. Overall, I think that you're a great writer, but I think that your writing would flow much better if it weren't as broken up.
For your first story, I really liked how you just jumped into it. Also, I think that weaving her thoughts in as she tells her story to her fellow inmates is a great way to build your character's personality while also sharing the story of how she got put in prison. I also liked how there was a lot of buildup to a crime that wasn't nearly as terrible as we were expecting. Lastly, good choice of theme for your storybook. It fits perfectly. Good job!
Your introduction and Inmate #1 story are extremely well written; the dialogue fits perfectly, and your narration is excellent. The narrator seems to give way to the characters' voices at just the right times…and that was exciting to see.
The paragraph breaks you used were quite good. This kept the story fast-paced and easy to read. I enjoyed how you molded the guard's speech patterns after the image you provide of him - he does seem pretty rough-and-tumble, so it works nicely.
The title of your storybook is both innovative and appropriate. It was easy to find an interestingly-titled project as I skimmed the class wall!
Overall, the only critique I have is minimal, and it's simply that the first two paragraphs of the introduction seem a bit long and could perhaps use a bit of dialogue or more vivid descriptions of the prison.
I enjoyed reading these posts and will look forward to the subsequent stories. Nice work!
I read your introduction last week and I am so excited to read your first story!!! I love that she didn’t tell the other inmates she had to put a spell on the king to get him to fall in love with her. Not only did she not tell them, she lied. This allows me, as the reader, to know a bit more about Inmate 1’s character. I’m sure the other inmates were interested in her story. What else do they have to do with their lives besides listen to stories and make each other’s lives miserable? I noticed you use the word “that” a lot. I’m guilty of it too. My suggestion to you would be to use Word’s find feature and search for the word “that” so you can find the ones that aren’t necessary. When Inmate 1 is trash talking about her new step-daughter it doesn’t really make since that the inmate would turn her into a dragon (a great and powerful creature) if she thought she was really a worm (a small un-powerful creature). Wait. Wait. Wait. How did the brother reverse the spell? Why was he the only one who could release her from it? That was a quick turn-around. O now I understand why you said she was a laidly worm (after I read your author’s note). I think your author’s note has a lot of detail that I wish had been in the story you wrote. I did like how you changed the perspective to the queen’s and instead of her becoming a toad she was brought to prison. One thing I really want as the reader is for Inmate 1 to have a real name (or at least a serial number or something), but of course that is your artistic choice as the author. I can’t wait to see who else inmate 1 is rooming with!!!
I have been really looking forward to reading the second part of your story. I had never heard the original story used for Inmate #1 before and have not read it yet for class, but I might just have to add it to my extra readings now :) I like the way the step-mother left some of the details out of her story that made her look bad, like having to spell the King to love her, that was a nice addition to the original story that definitely fits the MO of a wicked step-mother.
I like the total layout of the website, but on the “Inmate #1” there were some formatting issues with the sentences, especially around the picture. I know google sites is horrendous at being cooperative when it comes to formatting, so hopefully it is fixable. I would also add links/buttons at the bottom of each story to link to which one is next.
I really like where your storybook is headed! I read your intro and first story, and I have to say that I thought it was a very fun idea. The wicked stepmothers from all of the fairy tales we’ve grown up with would definitely fit in at this prison! Your intro was a great way to set the scene and show the reader what kinds of stories they can expect to read. I think you could expand on your description of the prison a little to make it more vivid to the reader, but I think overall it, along with your picture and theme, set the tone very well. Your first story was really good, but I think you might try rearraging some of the sentences to make them more concise and less clunky. And I think you missed a few commas between clauses, so be sure to watch out for those! I look forward to reading more of your storybook in the future!
Hello! I decided to read your storybook once again since I enjoyed it so much the first time. You already have my comments for the introduction, so I chose to focus on the first story this time. Anyways, this story was very well-written. From the storyline itself to how you included dialogue from the inmates interjected throughout the story, it was very well done. My favorite part was that at the end, you did a wonderful job of encouraging me to read on when one of the inmates said something along the lines of “that’s nothing compared to why I’m in here.” Part of me wishes that you had given the inmates names so that I could see who said what, but I also understand that may make the story more confusing, but that might be something to consider. It also might be worth considering adding the guards commenting throughout such as them rattling on the doors to the prison or added “keep it down in there” just to keep the prison-like feel rather than some ladies just talking. Great job overall!
Hi Stevi! I'm doing this project commenting as one of the extra credit options! I think that your stories are very well written. I love how you're writing your stories about a fairytale prison!! I also really like you have the evil stepmothers as the main characters!! I've always wanted to read a story where the antagonist gets to tell the story and is the main character. Your introduction is very well written. It has definitely caught my attention and kept me wanting to read more. The cliff hanger was really great too! That definitely made me want to know more about who the story is about and what she did to land in prison. Great job!! I look forward to reading more of your stories!
I like the story. I think it fits very well with the idea you are going for with the stepmothers in prison.
One thing that I was a little unsure about was the fact that multiple times in the story, the other prisoners seem to ask the stepmother talking to hurry up, or to ask her to continue the story. This would be fine, however you did not include anything about the stepmother pausing or stop talking. To me, that made it seem like the other prisoners were rushing her instead of encouraging her along. That may not have been what you were going for, but that is how I saw that.
I do like the picture you included for the first story. It was very fitting for the story you wrote. I think you are doing a great job overall and I can’t wait to read the rest of it.
Hey Stevi! As I was searching for another storybook project or portfolio to read and comment on, I saw the title of your storybook and it instantly caught my attention. Your storybook has a very unique and very interesting and fun concept. A fairy Tale prison with a special ward for evil stepmothers is so cool. For some reason as I read your introduction, it reminded me of the movie Shrek. Fairy tales are full of evil stepmothers and I have always wondered what happened to the ones who did not meet some terrible fate such as death. I liked that you are taking these stories and retelling them from the perspectives of the stepmothers or storybook villains. I thought about taking fairy tale stories about witches and writing them from the witches’ point of view. It is always interesting to imagine what the evil villain was thinking while they were doing the things they were doing or what their motives were. Overall I really enjoyed your introduction and first story and I can’t wait to read more.
I would like to start off by saying that I was drawn into your story from the beginning because I like your title. After I read it, I already got a sense of what the story was going to be about. Great job on making that clear. I also like the initial picture you chose of the castle-like prison on the hill. It helped me to paint a picture of the setting in my mind. The prison picture kind of reminds me of the castles they visit in the movie Mighty Python and the Holy Grail. Haha.
In your introduction, I liked how you chose to use a lot of dialogue to introduce us to the characters. This helped me visualize the characters and hear how they might sound when they speak in my head. I like that you use the term "newbies". I feel like that is the perfect slang term that a person would use in that context because its kind of derogatory and playful.
Great job overall! I enjoyed reading my first story and I look forward to reading more soon!
Hi, Stevi! Your storybook is so cool! I love the way you are framing your tales within a conversation between jailed stepmothers. That's so creative!
You did a really good job summarizing the original version in your Author's Note. I'm in the Indian Epics class, so I haven't read anything from the Myth and Folklore class. So your Author's Note was super helpful.
The writing in your introduction and the first story you included is very good. It flows well, and the dialogue is great! One thing in particular that was really cool was how you hook the reader at the end of the introduction. I couldn't wait to move on to the first story to find out what she had done. You did the same thing at the end of that story, implying that the next stepmother's story would be even more diabolical! That was great. I enjoyed reading it a lot, and I think I'll check back later in the semester to see where else it goes!
I really like your opening picture and your color scheme. It sets a dark tone that goes really well with this storybook! With as many times as I've read fairy tales, I've never thought of a fairy tale prison. I love the idea! Your introduction was written really well! I think it's great how the wicked stepmothers are the worst of the worst. You did a great job of introducing the storybook and getting my attention. Inmate #1: You did a great job of portraying the inmate as crazy when she was telling her story. Little details really make a big difference. I enjoyed the story a lot. I think you did a great job of making the story your own and you tied it really well into the theme of the storybook. I'm very excited to see what the other inmates did to deserve a spot in there!
Your storybook is awesome! I like your introduction. It really captured my attention because you never get to find out what happens to the evil stepmothers in the end. Your story is also a lot different than anything I have ever read. I like that your story starts off with you describing the stepmother prison. I really get a sense of what is going to happen. The first inmate story is very interesting. It sort of reminded me of on Snow White and the Huntsman in the sense that the fairy was jealous of how beautiful the kings daughter Margaret was. I also like the way you ended the last chapter to your story with the next inmate having a better story then the last. Makes me really want to come back and read the next story of how they ended up where they did. Good job so far Stevi!
This week I read the introduction and Inmate #1 of your storybook. The introduction was hilarious! The evil stepmothers really are the worst criminals in all of the fairy tales. They deserve to be looked away in their own special dungeon. The only grammatical error I noticed was in the second paragraph of Inmate #1. I believe the phrase should be "not have given" instead of "not having given". That's the only thing I noticed though. I'm really excited to find out what the other stepmothers did to wind up on jail. Turning your stepdaughter into a dragon sounds pretty bad to me. The other stories must be awful! The layout of your website is also perfect. The dark grey and black background sets the stage for a not happy set of stories. The picture in the introduction is great! It's very cold and exactly where I want wicked stepmothers to end up.
Hi Stevi, great idea for a storybook. Like you said in the introduction, I have never heard of such a thing. I have never even thought there should be such a prison. You have a creative mind. It is somewhat like one of those things that I have to ask myself why I did not think of it. The introduction gave good background information and sparked my interest as well as the title of your storybook. The imagery and details provided were great! It is nice to read about an alternative ending or what happens that the story does not tell us about. I do like the color scheme that you have chosen. The dark background gives the illusion of being confined like someone would be in prison. The light blue does help to give a fresh of breath air. I cannot wait to read more. Keep up the good work.
Hi! The name of your portfolio was really intriguing to me so I decided to read some of your stories. I thought the design of your blog was really fitting for the topic. It was dark and mysterious and I thought it went perfectly with your stories. I really liked your introduction as well. It definitely grabbed my attention and left me wanting to continue to read your stories. I also thought that your stories flowed really well between one another. Unlike my portfolio, which is a bit random at best, yours has a very structured theme and your stories reflected that. I liked that each inmate had its own story and they were labeled as such. You did a really great job on your portfolio overall and I look forward to reading more of your stories. I also like that you incorporated your images into your stories rather than just at the end.
Hi Stevi! I just read your post entitled "Inmate #2," and really enjoyed it. I've read your blog before and just wanted to see how things were going and I'm happy to see that they are swell.
First of all, the way you describe the inmates' facial expressions is priceless. I'm able to easily visualize how their smirks look, and the emotions that those smirks convey. I really liked hearing how you told the wicked stepmother's story - it was fast paced and easy to follow.
There were only a few grammar points that I noticed that could be altered slightly to be more clear. In the middle of the story, you say "the red calf had given Rushen Coatie food." Putting the word "food" after "Rushen Coatie" just sounds weird to me, and perhaps it will to you upon final review. This is really just an issue with word order and I'm sure one of personal preference, as well.
Hi Stevi, i'm commenting here to reply to your feedback you gave me on my comment wall. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on my layout. I like yours too. I'm a big fan of turquoise and I think it adds just the right amount of pop to your simple layout. I like that your blog is really easy to read and follow.
I am glad that I got to read more of your storybook. I read your introduction a couple weeks ago. This week I read your first story of Inmate #1. Wow, I was very impressed with this story. I just wanted to read to hear more about her story and what she was going to do. Of course, a man would leave out the detail of having kids. This was very practical and I loved the part where she turned his horrible daughter into an ugly dragon to make a point. I liked how you incorporated the other inmates in saying that they thought she committed a worse crime than she did. The author’s note is very helpful in summarizing the original story. I believe that you did a good job of incorporating the main parts of the original story into yours. You still made it your own story and made it fit in with the storybook. Great job!
For the past weeks I’ve been waiting for you to write a new story, so I can see who the next inmate is. I was so excited to see that you posted about her, so I chose you for me free choice. Obviously this is the story of Cinderella. Which is reflected by the iconic glass slipper in the picture (and in the story). I question the stepmother’s motives to have her daughters marry a prince when she herself was already royalty. Was she sent to prison because she cut her daughter’s feet? Or for just being a bad person? I wasn’t quite sure what crime got her into this prison. I wonder why the king allowed (and took part in) his daughter to be treated in such a terrible way? I did like how the stepmother knew nothing of how Rushen Coatie made it to the church to win the prince. Good story! I’m glad I chose your storybook for my extra one this week!
Hey Stevi! This is my first time visiting your site! I think I am going to focus on your introduction and your 'Inmate #1" story. I think your intro builds up a lot of tension and makes the reader want to keep on reading, which is exactly what I am going to do! You set up the main theme of your site really well in the introduction. The first inmate story is a really cool read. You build up a lot of background stories between these woman. Also, your Author's Note helped give me the perfect amount of context and history to make the story really come alive. I think your use of dialogue between the inmate really helps with the pace of the story. The relationship between all of them has just started. I also like the flashback you had. It was cool to see a glimpse of their past life, even though it was a little frightening. I also really like how you set up the next inmate's story at the end. This totally helps build the tension! Great job!
Hi Stevi...I chose your storybook as one of my extra credit assignments and I'm very glad that I did. Your writing style definitely kept me entertained and wanting to read more. The first thing that drew me to your storybook was your title. You had me hooked by the title and then kept me hooked while reading your stories. I like the color choices you made with the dark backgrounds (black and gray) with the white font. It made me think of a dark, cold prison. The dialogue was great between the characters in your stories. The picture choices fit well within your stories, but not he first inmate story...your image info was missing so I really wasn't sure who was in the image. I saw no grammatical or spelling errors, so I felt you did an excellent job with that part too. Overall, great job and I wish there would be more stories added so I could come back and read more of your storybook. Job well done!
Hey there! I’m so glad you were in my group this week! I really enjoyed exploring your Storybook. For starters, your title was a great attention grabber. I instantly wanted to know more, so good work on that front! The layout and the picture on the first page match the mood set by the title, so the continuity of everything was nice. Your introduction was dark, yet it pulled me in and I couldn’t stop reading! I like the tone you’ve set for this project, and I think it’s really nice that you’ve managed to keep it so well throughout your stories. The way you set up the stories and setting was also very good. Your descriptions made me feel like I was really there, but they weren’t overwhelming. The question that ended the introduction was perfect! You transitioned nicely out of the introduction to your other stories. Great job with everything!
First off, I really love the overall idea of your Storybook! It's such a creative idea, and you pulled it off really well! The introduction with the description of the prison was perfect, and I personally think it really draws the reader in - it drew me in anyway! At first I was thinking maybe it would be cool if you had given a name to each of the inmates, but I think it gives your Storybook a cool vibe by describing each woman as "inmate #1", so on an so forth. Each of your stories were really easy to read, and they flowed together really well. I also thought that your decision to make each of the crimes the women committed worse and worse as read their stories. As the others have said, I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling errors, so awesome job on that. Your layout and font choices were perfect for the theme of your stories. Overall, you did an awesome job! Yours has definitely been one of my favorite Storybooks to read!
Hello! This is my first time visiting your storybook so I am starting with your cover page, introduction, and first story. First of all, I really like your color scheme and your picture on your cover page, it lets me know that dark and eerie things are going on here, plus it is just a beautiful picture! It does, however, clash with the first sentence of your introduction if you mean for that picture to represent the prison because it is not in the middle of a forest, but rather on top of a clear hill. I really enjoyed your introduction, it has just enough detail to not be confusing but also enough vagueness to keep the reader wondering what will come next. I liked that your first story kept even the other wicked stepmothers on the edge of their seats and that there was some commentary about whether or not she would continue. Overall excellent job!
This is my first time I am seeing your storybook and apparently I've been missing out. My first thought when I opened your site was that the layout and appearance of the website really go perfectly with the story. The description in the introduction of the Fairytale Prison goes perfectly with the darkness of the website itself. I also read the story of Inmate #1. The background was really set well as I felt like I was almost sitting in the cell with the prisoners. Your paragraphs were well constructed as well. Not to much in one but not to little. I really liked how you include some inner thoughts along with the dialogue from Inmate #1. It was also cool to be able to see how the other cell mates were responding the entire time. It makes me want to stick around and see what they did to deserve their punishment. Great job on your storybook!
I enjoyed the theme of your storybook focusing on the wicked step-mothers of fairytales. There never seems to be a shortage of them! I wonder why we don't see many wicked step-fathers? Well anyway - I imagined your storybook prison with an almost 'Orange is the New Black' kind of vibe because it was a prison for women - namely wicked, vengeful women. And it really did have the feel of an actual prison setting - all the women gather around and dish what they did to get in, with each one trying to one-up the other. You also did well with re-telling the original stories through the step-mothers point of view. This was a fun read - I'm glad you did it!
Let me just say the way you've chosen to do your storybook is super interesting and unique. I never would've thought to tell a story from the point-of-view that you've chosen.
Intro: You did a great job of setting the scene for what will be happening in the rest of your stories. The guard's dialogue definitely sounds like something a guard would say to a group of prisoners! I thought it was interesting how you distinguished the Stepmothers from the thieves and murderers. You really set it up that they are the worst of the worst!
Inmate #1: I love how you didn't even give them names, you just called them inmates. That's so fitting! I was expecting you to do adaptations of the big-time wicked stepmothers, but it was a nice surprise to see you chose a less-known fairy tale as your inspiration! The way the story ended set the next story up perfectly without blatantly stating "this is the where the story ends, and here's how the next one begins." Great job!
I really love the stories that have been added since the last time I read your project. I think you've done a really great job with changing the point of view on these stories to tell it from the side of the wicked step mother character. You have really brought a new perspective and life to these characters, you've made them more like a person than just an evil figure. They had wants and desires of their own.
I really liked your story with inmate #3. You did a great job with the progression and upping the level of the crimes to lead up to this one. With the story itself you did a great job of presenting her as a character who wanted someone to feel the same pain she felt. Overall I think you did a really great job and I really enjoyed your storybook as a whole.
This is my first time reading your stories and I enjoyed them quite a bit! I think the overall concept of your storybook is very interesting and flows very well. The way you go from on stepmother to a worse stepmother adds some suspense because it makes the reader wonder what the next stepmother must have done that's even worse than the previous. One thing you might consider is a little less detail from inside the cell and a little more detail in the stories being told. At times it felt like the breaks in the story to recount the reactions of the other stepmothers made the story a little bit choppy, because you couldn't create enough of a flow to pull the reader completely into the story itself. If you take out some of those interruptions in each part I think it would really help your storybook overall!
I voted for your storybook. I love it. You are a very great writer. I love the idea behind your storybook. It is very creative. The step-mothers point of view for the stories were good also. The second story was another great one! The beginning grabbed my attention very quick. I wanted to hear what the inmate had to say. It is obvious from the beginning that she did not have good intentions for marrying the king. It is amazing that her three daughters were more deserving of royalty than Rushen Coatie. I cannot believe that the inmate went to the extreme and cut her daughters toes and heel off. She was desperate. I think the inmate should be in a psych ward more than she should be in prison. You did a great job. This story was nice. The author's note was equally great! I look forward to another story.
Hey, Stephanie! Oh my word – I am so excited for your storybook. It is so creative and the detail you included was so great – I could imagine the whole scene as it was happening and am genuinely interested in what’s going to happen next. There was enough dialogue to keep it interesting but not too much to confuse the reader. The picture also was a great choice because it helped me imagine this cave that was the home to so many criminals. Placing the image information at the bottom was also a great idea because it didn’t take away from the story and wasn’t distracting/didn’t get in the way. You also had a great set-up for the stories at the end of the introduction and it’ll be easy to connect the stories. I honestly can’t think of anything to improve – add more stories? I’m anxious to read more! Great job!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, the title of your storybook is very catching. It made me want to read more right away. Therefore, good job on making a catchy title to catch the reader’s attention right off the bat. Again, in the first paragraph of your introduction you did a great job of explaining the setting of the story. This makes it mysterious and of course makes me want to keep reading. The dialogue added throughout the introduction set the scene of the story and helped in understanding what was going on. I think you did a great job of picking stepmothers, because there really are some crazy step mothers in this world. Therefore, there might be some people who can relate. I also, liked how practical some of the story was. The prison parts are spot on and make a great story line. The last line of the introduction keeps the attention of the reader. I cannot wait to read the next story. Great job on your introduction!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your storybook wasn’t on my “official” picks, but the name caught my attention. The picture you chose for your first page is great! I love the idea of a fairytale prison, kind of like when all the bad characters got together in one of the Shrek movies. Anyway, I especially like that the evil step-mothers get their own section. They are a special kind of mean! The way you leave the identity of the women is intriguing. I’m really looking forward to keeping up with your story!
ReplyDeleteThere is one thing I would suggest for your project site. Some people with bad eyesight, like me, have a hard time reading text online and when it’s white text on a black background, it’s REALLY hard to read. If you do decide to keep the black background, I would suggest making the font size bigger which makes it easier to read since there is more “meat” to the lines.
Stevi,
ReplyDeleteI think that you have a great start to your storybook. You choose a great option to start it off with and the introduction was able to draw you in. You had the story line and certainly had quite a few moments of suspense that caused the reader to keep on reading, in order to find out what happens next. I will say, as a personal preference, I wish there had been more detail in the introduction. However, that may have been me wanting to know more of what is happening in the story. So for that I would recommend maybe adding some detail about the prison and the prisoners that we will not interact with in the story, but that is not completely necessary for your introduction. So maybe just adding some details to help add more to the introduction would add to your storybook overall.
I really loved your storybook! I'm a huge fan of fairy tales (which is what my storybook is about also) so I was super happy when I saw the title of your storybook on the class list. It's a very original idea that I haven't seen before. Your introduction absolutely delivered. It was so descriptive and really sets the tone for the storybook, which matches the design of the actual website very well. It also got me hooked. There's this huge sense of tension that you set up in these first paragraphs and I can't wait to read more when you start posting stories. You give me a sense of what the stories are going to be about, but I'm not exactly sure. Is it going to be retellings of the stories from the villains' points of views? Also, who is this really bad step-mother? I want to know! I will definitely be coming back to read more. Really awesome job!
ReplyDeleteIt is apparent that you've put in a lot of effort to think out the setting for your story, and that's a great way to keep yourself oriented in your own world while writing! But as the reader, I immediately felt sort of overwhelmed with how much of the setting was being revealed to me in so few sentences. I would have much rather been introduced to only one part of the prison, being given details about that portion, and only being given a clear layout of the rest of the prison. For example, where is the prison located in the Fairytale Kingdom? Is it on a mountain? Between two mountains?
ReplyDeleteAlso, what were the crimes that the Wicked Step-mothers had committed? This is obviously a different universe than the more tame Disney-verses, so what kind of monstrosities are these women?
Overall, it seems like you have a lot of ideas for your tale. Just make sure that you don’t try to write about too much all at once. It just becomes very confusing for the reader.
Your home page is good. The colors really match up and accent the picture well. Good job choosing the proper shading for you layout. Your introduction page is missing the link on the picture, it is a little critique though, so no big deal.
ReplyDeleteThe Introduction reads like a classic fairy tale I would read to my child. I think you did a great job of introducing the reader to the concept of your storybook along with the warden’s of the prison. The cliffhanger ending was a good way to make the reader want to press the next button to see the next page. Maybe place a “Next” page link at the bottom for the reader. I know that there will already be links in the sidebar, but I think a next button would be a good thing so that the reader automatically just goes to the next page without thinking. This would keep them engaged with the world you have done a great job creating for them.
I absolutely love your storybook idea. Your introduction is a really great set up for your stories. The very last sentence is a really great transition that's going to flow really well into the beginning of your stories. I love stories that we get to have a new perspective on and I think your idea to tell stories from the perspectives of the wicked stepmother character's perspective offers a great opportunity to bring something new and fresh to the stories.
ReplyDeleteYour set up and imagery in describing the setting of your story was really great too. I loved your descriptions and could fully imagine and really see this story fold out as I was reading it. Your images that you used are perfect for your storybook and they really lend to the imagery you have created. I especially loved the image you used for your introduction. It was really fitting for your descriptions of them descending into the darkness of the prison.
“Prison Stories of the Wicked Stepmothers”: I love this picture. It sets the scene well for your storybook.
ReplyDeleteIntroduction: I could not stop reading your introduction. I really want to know who the inmates are. Who is the new inmate? Who is he/she roomed with? Who else was brought in with her/him into the Stepmother’s wing? There are just so many questions and possibilities. I want to find out what happens next. I want some answers. This is wonderful! You have a fantastic introduction. I’m glad you included the pictures you did because I found myself wondering what the prison looked like and the pictures help out with that a bit. I do like that the prison is underground which adds thought that what the inmates have done is truly dark and wicked. I can’t wait until you post some stories so that I can get some of the answers to the questions your introduction has brought to me. Overall I think this is a fabulous start. Great Job.
Hey Stevi! It was a pleasure being able to read this story. You have a creative imagination and I liked the images you used to give the reader the feel of the story. But I am confused on who this story is about because it is told in first person in a broad sense then the story focused on one woman. Maybe you could explain more about the woman between those two paragraphs (right before you talk about the woman). You could add reasons on why she is there or just use her as your main focus the entire story and make it as a first person. Also, there could have been more detailed descriptions on some parts of your story or to add in. At the beginning, maybe you could add more detail about the one woman and the prison itself. You could add descriptions like the distance of the prison from civilization because only the bad of the bad go there. Other than that I think you did a fantastic job and can’t wait to see what she had done!
ReplyDeleteHey Stevi,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your storybook and its introduction. It was very creative and humorous. The fairytale always end with “Happily Ever After” but you never really hear about the stepmothers. I am sure their ending is not so “happily ever after.” I liked how you created a jail for the stepmothers. Even though the acts of the stepmothers in fairytales are comparable to criminal acts, they commonly are still not considered convicts, but your storybook does. This is why I like your storybook; it is different. It explores something that has not been discussed.
Another thing I liked about your storybook was the style it was written in. The dialogue was on point. It sounded exactly like a jail setting. It really sets the setting.
The only suggestion I have for you is maybe instead of a picture of the opening of the jail, you could include mug shots of the stepmothers. It would be really humorous and different.
I really enjoyed reading your storybook. My main suggestion is that you don't break up your thoughts so much. It makes it somewhat choppy to read. I feel that if you combined, for instance, the second, third, and fourth paragraphs of the introduction into one, it would flow much better. Overall, I think that you're a great writer, but I think that your writing would flow much better if it weren't as broken up.
ReplyDeleteFor your first story, I really liked how you just jumped into it. Also, I think that weaving her thoughts in as she tells her story to her fellow inmates is a great way to build your character's personality while also sharing the story of how she got put in prison. I also liked how there was a lot of buildup to a crime that wasn't nearly as terrible as we were expecting. Lastly, good choice of theme for your storybook. It fits perfectly. Good job!
Stevi,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction and Inmate #1 story are extremely well written; the dialogue fits perfectly, and your narration is excellent. The narrator seems to give way to the characters' voices at just the right times…and that was exciting to see.
The paragraph breaks you used were quite good. This kept the story fast-paced and easy to read. I enjoyed how you molded the guard's speech patterns after the image you provide of him - he does seem pretty rough-and-tumble, so it works nicely.
The title of your storybook is both innovative and appropriate. It was easy to find an interestingly-titled project as I skimmed the class wall!
Overall, the only critique I have is minimal, and it's simply that the first two paragraphs of the introduction seem a bit long and could perhaps use a bit of dialogue or more vivid descriptions of the prison.
I enjoyed reading these posts and will look forward to the subsequent stories. Nice work!
I read your introduction last week and I am so excited to read your first story!!!
ReplyDeleteI love that she didn’t tell the other inmates she had to put a spell on the king to get him to fall in love with her. Not only did she not tell them, she lied. This allows me, as the reader, to know a bit more about Inmate 1’s character.
I’m sure the other inmates were interested in her story. What else do they have to do with their lives besides listen to stories and make each other’s lives miserable?
I noticed you use the word “that” a lot. I’m guilty of it too. My suggestion to you would be to use Word’s find feature and search for the word “that” so you can find the ones that aren’t necessary.
When Inmate 1 is trash talking about her new step-daughter it doesn’t really make since that the inmate would turn her into a dragon (a great and powerful creature) if she thought she was really a worm (a small un-powerful creature).
Wait. Wait. Wait. How did the brother reverse the spell? Why was he the only one who could release her from it? That was a quick turn-around.
O now I understand why you said she was a laidly worm (after I read your author’s note). I think your author’s note has a lot of detail that I wish had been in the story you wrote. I did like how you changed the perspective to the queen’s and instead of her becoming a toad she was brought to prison.
One thing I really want as the reader is for Inmate 1 to have a real name (or at least a serial number or something), but of course that is your artistic choice as the author.
I can’t wait to see who else inmate 1 is rooming with!!!
I have been really looking forward to reading the second part of your story. I had never heard the original story used for Inmate #1 before and have not read it yet for class, but I might just have to add it to my extra readings now :) I like the way the step-mother left some of the details out of her story that made her look bad, like having to spell the King to love her, that was a nice addition to the original story that definitely fits the MO of a wicked step-mother.
ReplyDeleteI like the total layout of the website, but on the “Inmate #1” there were some formatting issues with the sentences, especially around the picture. I know google sites is horrendous at being cooperative when it comes to formatting, so hopefully it is fixable. I would also add links/buttons at the bottom of each story to link to which one is next.
I really like where your storybook is headed! I read your intro and first story, and I have to say that I thought it was a very fun idea. The wicked stepmothers from all of the fairy tales we’ve grown up with would definitely fit in at this prison! Your intro was a great way to set the scene and show the reader what kinds of stories they can expect to read. I think you could expand on your description of the prison a little to make it more vivid to the reader, but I think overall it, along with your picture and theme, set the tone very well. Your first story was really good, but I think you might try rearraging some of the sentences to make them more concise and less clunky. And I think you missed a few commas between clauses, so be sure to watch out for those! I look forward to reading more of your storybook in the future!
ReplyDeleteHello! I decided to read your storybook once again since I enjoyed it so much the first time. You already have my comments for the introduction, so I chose to focus on the first story this time. Anyways, this story was very well-written. From the storyline itself to how you included dialogue from the inmates interjected throughout the story, it was very well done. My favorite part was that at the end, you did a wonderful job of encouraging me to read on when one of the inmates said something along the lines of “that’s nothing compared to why I’m in here.” Part of me wishes that you had given the inmates names so that I could see who said what, but I also understand that may make the story more confusing, but that might be something to consider. It also might be worth considering adding the guards commenting throughout such as them rattling on the doors to the prison or added “keep it down in there” just to keep the prison-like feel rather than some ladies just talking. Great job overall!
ReplyDeleteHi Stevi! I'm doing this project commenting as one of the extra credit options! I think that your stories are very well written. I love how you're writing your stories about a fairytale prison!! I also really like you have the evil stepmothers as the main characters!! I've always wanted to read a story where the antagonist gets to tell the story and is the main character. Your introduction is very well written. It has definitely caught my attention and kept me wanting to read more. The cliff hanger was really great too! That definitely made me want to know more about who the story is about and what she did to land in prison. Great job!! I look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteStevi,
ReplyDeleteI like the story. I think it fits very well with the idea you are going for with the stepmothers in prison.
One thing that I was a little unsure about was the fact that multiple times in the story, the other prisoners seem to ask the stepmother talking to hurry up, or to ask her to continue the story. This would be fine, however you did not include anything about the stepmother pausing or stop talking. To me, that made it seem like the other prisoners were rushing her instead of encouraging her along. That may not have been what you were going for, but that is how I saw that.
I do like the picture you included for the first story. It was very fitting for the story you wrote. I think you are doing a great job overall and I can’t wait to read the rest of it.
Hey Stevi!
ReplyDeleteAs I was searching for another storybook project or portfolio to read and comment on, I saw the title of your storybook and it instantly caught my attention. Your storybook has a very unique and very interesting and fun concept. A fairy Tale prison with a special ward for evil stepmothers is so cool. For some reason as I read your introduction, it reminded me of the movie Shrek. Fairy tales are full of evil stepmothers and I have always wondered what happened to the ones who did not meet some terrible fate such as death. I liked that you are taking these stories and retelling them from the perspectives of the stepmothers or storybook villains. I thought about taking fairy tale stories about witches and writing them from the witches’ point of view. It is always interesting to imagine what the evil villain was thinking while they were doing the things they were doing or what their motives were. Overall I really enjoyed your introduction and first story and I can’t wait to read more.
Hey Stevi!
ReplyDeleteI would like to start off by saying that I was drawn into your story from the beginning because I like your title. After I read it, I already got a sense of what the story was going to be about. Great job on making that clear. I also like the initial picture you chose of the castle-like prison on the hill. It helped me to paint a picture of the setting in my mind. The prison picture kind of reminds me of the castles they visit in the movie Mighty Python and the Holy Grail. Haha.
In your introduction, I liked how you chose to use a lot of dialogue to introduce us to the characters. This helped me visualize the characters and hear how they might sound when they speak in my head. I like that you use the term "newbies". I feel like that is the perfect slang term that a person would use in that context because its kind of derogatory and playful.
Great job overall! I enjoyed reading my first story and I look forward to reading more soon!
Hi, Stevi! Your storybook is so cool! I love the way you are framing your tales within a conversation between jailed stepmothers. That's so creative!
ReplyDeleteYou did a really good job summarizing the original version in your Author's Note. I'm in the Indian Epics class, so I haven't read anything from the Myth and Folklore class. So your Author's Note was super helpful.
The writing in your introduction and the first story you included is very good. It flows well, and the dialogue is great! One thing in particular that was really cool was how you hook the reader at the end of the introduction. I couldn't wait to move on to the first story to find out what she had done. You did the same thing at the end of that story, implying that the next stepmother's story would be even more diabolical! That was great. I enjoyed reading it a lot, and I think I'll check back later in the semester to see where else it goes!
Hey Stevi!
ReplyDeleteI really like your opening picture and your color scheme. It sets a dark tone that goes really well with this storybook!
With as many times as I've read fairy tales, I've never thought of a fairy tale prison. I love the idea!
Your introduction was written really well! I think it's great how the wicked stepmothers are the worst of the worst. You did a great job of introducing the storybook and getting my attention.
Inmate #1: You did a great job of portraying the inmate as crazy when she was telling her story. Little details really make a big difference. I enjoyed the story a lot. I think you did a great job of making the story your own and you tied it really well into the theme of the storybook. I'm very excited to see what the other inmates did to deserve a spot in there!
Hi Stevi.
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is awesome! I like your introduction. It really captured my attention because you never get to find out what happens to the evil stepmothers in the end. Your story is also a lot different than anything I have ever read. I like that your story starts off with you describing the stepmother prison. I really get a sense of what is going to happen. The first inmate story is very interesting. It sort of reminded me of on Snow White and the Huntsman in the sense that the fairy was jealous of how beautiful the kings daughter Margaret was. I also like the way you ended the last chapter to your story with the next inmate having a better story then the last. Makes me really want to come back and read the next story of how they ended up where they did. Good job so far Stevi!
This week I read the introduction and Inmate #1 of your storybook. The introduction was hilarious! The evil stepmothers really are the worst criminals in all of the fairy tales. They deserve to be looked away in their own special dungeon. The only grammatical error I noticed was in the second paragraph of Inmate #1. I believe the phrase should be "not have given" instead of "not having given". That's the only thing I noticed though. I'm really excited to find out what the other stepmothers did to wind up on jail. Turning your stepdaughter into a dragon sounds pretty bad to me. The other stories must be awful! The layout of your website is also perfect. The dark grey and black background sets the stage for a not happy set of stories. The picture in the introduction is great! It's very cold and exactly where I want wicked stepmothers to end up.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Stevi, great idea for a storybook. Like you said in the introduction, I have never heard of such a thing. I have never even thought there should be such a prison. You have a creative mind. It is somewhat like one of those things that I have to ask myself why I did not think of it. The introduction gave good background information and sparked my interest as well as the title of your storybook. The imagery and details provided were great! It is nice to read about an alternative ending or what happens that the story does not tell us about. I do like the color scheme that you have chosen. The dark background gives the illusion of being confined like someone would be in prison. The light blue does help to give a fresh of breath air. I cannot wait to read more. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHi!
ReplyDeleteThe name of your portfolio was really intriguing to me so I decided to read some of your stories. I thought the design of your blog was really fitting for the topic. It was dark and mysterious and I thought it went perfectly with your stories. I really liked your introduction as well. It definitely grabbed my attention and left me wanting to continue to read your stories. I also thought that your stories flowed really well between one another. Unlike my portfolio, which is a bit random at best, yours has a very structured theme and your stories reflected that. I liked that each inmate had its own story and they were labeled as such. You did a really great job on your portfolio overall and I look forward to reading more of your stories. I also like that you incorporated your images into your stories rather than just at the end.
Hi Stevi! I just read your post entitled "Inmate #2," and really enjoyed it. I've read your blog before and just wanted to see how things were going and I'm happy to see that they are swell.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, the way you describe the inmates' facial expressions is priceless. I'm able to easily visualize how their smirks look, and the emotions that those smirks convey. I really liked hearing how you told the wicked stepmother's story - it was fast paced and easy to follow.
There were only a few grammar points that I noticed that could be altered slightly to be more clear. In the middle of the story, you say "the red calf had given Rushen Coatie food." Putting the word "food" after "Rushen Coatie" just sounds weird to me, and perhaps it will to you upon final review. This is really just an issue with word order and I'm sure one of personal preference, as well.
I look forward to reading your newest stories!
Best,
Cole
Hi Stevi, i'm commenting here to reply to your feedback you gave me on my comment wall. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on my layout. I like yours too. I'm a big fan of turquoise and I think it adds just the right amount of pop to your simple layout. I like that your blog is really easy to read and follow.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that I got to read more of your storybook. I read your introduction a couple weeks ago. This week I read your first story of Inmate #1.
ReplyDeleteWow, I was very impressed with this story. I just wanted to read to hear more about her story and what she was going to do. Of course, a man would leave out the detail of having kids. This was very practical and I loved the part where she turned his horrible daughter into an ugly dragon to make a point. I liked how you incorporated the other inmates in saying that they thought she committed a worse crime than she did.
The author’s note is very helpful in summarizing the original story. I believe that you did a good job of incorporating the main parts of the original story into yours. You still made it your own story and made it fit in with the storybook.
Great job!
For the past weeks I’ve been waiting for you to write a new story, so I can see who the next inmate is. I was so excited to see that you posted about her, so I chose you for me free choice.
ReplyDeleteObviously this is the story of Cinderella. Which is reflected by the iconic glass slipper in the picture (and in the story).
I question the stepmother’s motives to have her daughters marry a prince when she herself was already royalty. Was she sent to prison because she cut her daughter’s feet? Or for just being a bad person? I wasn’t quite sure what crime got her into this prison. I wonder why the king allowed (and took part in) his daughter to be treated in such a terrible way? I did like how the stepmother knew nothing of how Rushen Coatie made it to the church to win the prince.
Good story! I’m glad I chose your storybook for my extra one this week!
Hey Stevi! This is my first time visiting your site! I think I am going to focus on your introduction and your 'Inmate #1" story. I think your intro builds up a lot of tension and makes the reader want to keep on reading, which is exactly what I am going to do! You set up the main theme of your site really well in the introduction. The first inmate story is a really cool read. You build up a lot of background stories between these woman. Also, your Author's Note helped give me the perfect amount of context and history to make the story really come alive. I think your use of dialogue between the inmate really helps with the pace of the story. The relationship between all of them has just started. I also like the flashback you had. It was cool to see a glimpse of their past life, even though it was a little frightening. I also really like how you set up the next inmate's story at the end. This totally helps build the tension! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Stevi...I chose your storybook as one of my extra credit assignments and I'm very glad that I did. Your writing style definitely kept me entertained and wanting to read more. The first thing that drew me to your storybook was your title. You had me hooked by the title and then kept me hooked while reading your stories. I like the color choices you made with the dark backgrounds (black and gray) with the white font. It made me think of a dark, cold prison.
ReplyDeleteThe dialogue was great between the characters in your stories. The picture choices fit well within your stories, but not he first inmate story...your image info was missing so I really wasn't sure who was in the image. I saw no grammatical or spelling errors, so I felt you did an excellent job with that part too.
Overall, great job and I wish there would be more stories added so I could come back and read more of your storybook. Job well done!
Hey there! I’m so glad you were in my group this week! I really enjoyed exploring your Storybook. For starters, your title was a great attention grabber. I instantly wanted to know more, so good work on that front! The layout and the picture on the first page match the mood set by the title, so the continuity of everything was nice. Your introduction was dark, yet it pulled me in and I couldn’t stop reading! I like the tone you’ve set for this project, and I think it’s really nice that you’ve managed to keep it so well throughout your stories. The way you set up the stories and setting was also very good. Your descriptions made me feel like I was really there, but they weren’t overwhelming. The question that ended the introduction was perfect! You transitioned nicely out of the introduction to your other stories. Great job with everything!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I really love the overall idea of your Storybook! It's such a creative idea, and you pulled it off really well! The introduction with the description of the prison was perfect, and I personally think it really draws the reader in - it drew me in anyway! At first I was thinking maybe it would be cool if you had given a name to each of the inmates, but I think it gives your Storybook a cool vibe by describing each woman as "inmate #1", so on an so forth. Each of your stories were really easy to read, and they flowed together really well. I also thought that your decision to make each of the crimes the women committed worse and worse as read their stories. As the others have said, I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling errors, so awesome job on that. Your layout and font choices were perfect for the theme of your stories. Overall, you did an awesome job! Yours has definitely been one of my favorite Storybooks to read!
ReplyDeleteHello! This is my first time visiting your storybook so I am starting with your cover page, introduction, and first story. First of all, I really like your color scheme and your picture on your cover page, it lets me know that dark and eerie things are going on here, plus it is just a beautiful picture! It does, however, clash with the first sentence of your introduction if you mean for that picture to represent the prison because it is not in the middle of a forest, but rather on top of a clear hill. I really enjoyed your introduction, it has just enough detail to not be confusing but also enough vagueness to keep the reader wondering what will come next. I liked that your first story kept even the other wicked stepmothers on the edge of their seats and that there was some commentary about whether or not she would continue. Overall excellent job!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time I am seeing your storybook and apparently I've been missing out. My first thought when I opened your site was that the layout and appearance of the website really go perfectly with the story. The description in the introduction of the Fairytale Prison goes perfectly with the darkness of the website itself.
ReplyDeleteI also read the story of Inmate #1. The background was really set well as I felt like I was almost sitting in the cell with the prisoners. Your paragraphs were well constructed as well. Not to much in one but not to little. I really liked how you include some inner thoughts along with the dialogue from Inmate #1. It was also cool to be able to see how the other cell mates were responding the entire time. It makes me want to stick around and see what they did to deserve their punishment. Great job on your storybook!
I enjoyed the theme of your storybook focusing on the wicked step-mothers of fairytales. There never seems to be a shortage of them! I wonder why we don't see many wicked step-fathers? Well anyway - I imagined your storybook prison with an almost 'Orange is the New Black' kind of vibe because it was a prison for women - namely wicked, vengeful women. And it really did have the feel of an actual prison setting - all the women gather around and dish what they did to get in, with each one trying to one-up the other. You also did well with re-telling the original stories through the step-mothers point of view. This was a fun read - I'm glad you did it!
ReplyDeleteLet me just say the way you've chosen to do your storybook is super interesting and unique. I never would've thought to tell a story from the point-of-view that you've chosen.
ReplyDeleteIntro: You did a great job of setting the scene for what will be happening in the rest of your stories. The guard's dialogue definitely sounds like something a guard would say to a group of prisoners! I thought it was interesting how you distinguished the Stepmothers from the thieves and murderers. You really set it up that they are the worst of the worst!
Inmate #1: I love how you didn't even give them names, you just called them inmates. That's so fitting! I was expecting you to do adaptations of the big-time wicked stepmothers, but it was a nice surprise to see you chose a less-known fairy tale as your inspiration! The way the story ended set the next story up perfectly without blatantly stating "this is the where the story ends, and here's how the next one begins." Great job!
I really love the stories that have been added since the last time I read your project. I think you've done a really great job with changing the point of view on these stories to tell it from the side of the wicked step mother character. You have really brought a new perspective and life to these characters, you've made them more like a person than just an evil figure. They had wants and desires of their own.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story with inmate #3. You did a great job with the progression and upping the level of the crimes to lead up to this one. With the story itself you did a great job of presenting her as a character who wanted someone to feel the same pain she felt. Overall I think you did a really great job and I really enjoyed your storybook as a whole.
This is my first time reading your stories and I enjoyed them quite a bit! I think the overall concept of your storybook is very interesting and flows very well. The way you go from on stepmother to a worse stepmother adds some suspense because it makes the reader wonder what the next stepmother must have done that's even worse than the previous. One thing you might consider is a little less detail from inside the cell and a little more detail in the stories being told. At times it felt like the breaks in the story to recount the reactions of the other stepmothers made the story a little bit choppy, because you couldn't create enough of a flow to pull the reader completely into the story itself. If you take out some of those interruptions in each part I think it would really help your storybook overall!
ReplyDeleteI voted for your storybook. I love it. You are a very great writer. I love the idea behind your storybook. It is very creative. The step-mothers point of view for the stories were good also. The second story was another great one! The beginning grabbed my attention very quick. I wanted to hear what the inmate had to say. It is obvious from the beginning that she did not have good intentions for marrying the king. It is amazing that her three daughters were more deserving of royalty than Rushen Coatie. I cannot believe that the inmate went to the extreme and cut her daughters toes and heel off. She was desperate. I think the inmate should be in a psych ward more than she should be in prison. You did a great job. This story was nice. The author's note was equally great! I look forward to another story.
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